The Eugene Problem

Some point in the near future, a normal guy is going to a normal university. He experiences many normal guy problems, which includes an inability to talk to girls. His name just so happens to be Eugene, a very unfortunate name for someone who wants to be popular with the ladies. Wouldn't it be so much easier if he had a readily available female friend to be his companion? Now, Eugene has tried everything he can to make himself more appealing. Like the obvious things of applying more cologne (Kiss Him by Kiss Cologne), slicking his hair back, and tucking in his shirts. None of these things seem to work. Eugene is now faced with an ever more concerning reality. What if there's nothing he can do to change the fact that he's glaringly lacking in the female presence?

And then, one fateful Tuesday, he has the most genius, intellectual, game-changing idea. Who says a female has to be real? So, following this excellent line of reasoning, Eugene goes into the profound depths of the internet and finds the solution he has so hopefully been waiting for. A website that provides all types of characters to interact with and the best part? None of them are real! Our normal young Eugene is ecstatic by this information. His finger hovers over the mouse, eyes glassy with pure unadulterated relief, as he stares at the name of the pathway to blissful utopia. Lisa. Lisa is the key to everything. Eugene will sit at his desk for hours, talking to Lisa, learning all of the things he needs to know to talk to girls. Lisa tells him that girls love nice guys, 6'2 feminists, protective bad boys, or all three. A fair while later, Lisa has evolved to the sort of companion that Eugene can count on for advice. His everyday quarrels and misfortunes are discarded as he talks to Lisa since he no longer has to worry about resolving them.

Some time passes and Lisa has gained the intelligence to solve more complex issues that aren't just Eugene's woes, and she assists him with work. Eugene's latest project requires him to create something for the company he works for, a creative design that will create the face of the company. It's expected to be organic and compelling and imaginative, and Eugene does the obvious in order to make a truly genius design. He turns to Lisa, who provides all the ideas he could ever possibly form on his own if he bothered to try.

Next holiday season, Eugene's family comes over to visit. He boasted about his accomplishments all year, and they were so excited to see how their son was doing without them. "This is my latest art piece!" he crowed proudly. His mother gushed about the inherent humanity and soul he must've incorporated into the piece. It was generated and printed out by Lisa. "My latest promotion," he said proudly. His father nodded appreciatively and thought about all the hard and genuine work Eugene must have done, other than asking Lisa to list the top ten products that people wanted most. "My latest book!" Eugene exclaimed. His sister stared in awe as she wondered about the long grueling hours he must've spent passionately perfecting every heartfelt word. Little did she know Eugene only had to come up with the title, and Lisa did the rest!

"And my most proud accomplishment," he finished, "aside from the thousands of hours I've spent on r/waifusIRL, I got a girlfriend!" A real human woman entered the room, to the immense joy of the family. "Oh, Eugene!" they cried. "However did you manage to be so accomplished and also commit time to loving such a wonderful young lady?" Eugene grinned. "Oh, I don't need to worry about that. Lisa loves her for me."